Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

U.S. Presidents

The Presidents of the United States: In Order of Best Eyebrows

Richard Nixon's right eyebrow

You might not know this about me, but the main thing I look for in a man is a nice pair of eyebrows. If a guy with mediocre eyebrows approaches me, I tell him, “Sorry, not interested.” Then when he says, “Um, I was just wondering if you could give me directions to the metro?” I say “No way.”

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How to Celebrate Herbert Hoover’s Birthday

Herbert Hoover

Your long wait is over. It is finally, finally Herbert Hoover’s birthday.

What I love about Herbert Hoover’s birthday is that it’s the one day of the year when you get to really focus on Herbert Hoover, all day long, to the exclusion of everything else. Here are some ideas to help you plan a celebration that’s fun, rewarding, and full of memories that will help get you through the rest of the year. Which even now is looming, dark and inescapable, like an approaching sandstorm.

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A Fake Interview with Donald Trump

JD pretend to interview Donald Trump

President Donald Trump claims to hate The New York Times, which he calls “the failing New York Times,” yet he keeps giving them interviews. We, on the other hand, have not secured a single interview with him, even though he has never once called us “the failing Hottest Heads of State.” (Despite the fact that we are, by some measures, more of a failure than the New York Times.)

Fortunately, if there’s one thing I picked up at the University of Missouri School of Journalism (back when I regularly walked past it and imagined what was being taught inside) it’s that you’re allowed to make up interviews as long as you use real quotes.

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Sincerely, Dick: An Advice Column by Richard Nixon

Richard Nixon writes his own relationship advice column

Richard Nixon recorded all of his Oval Office conversations, and the transcripts from these secret tapes are an nonstop explosion of profound wisdom and keen observations about the human condition. If you’ve ever read through the transcripts yourself, you probably thought, “If only this guy had his own relationship advice column!” Well, all of your wildest dreams are about to come true.

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Explosive Video Shows Trump Colluding with Moscow

Sean Spicer, the White House press secretary, during a briefing on Friday. Acknowledging that President Trump is a Russian operative, Mr. Spicer argued “We litigated this all through the election. People didn’t care. They voted for him.” (Photo credit – Eric Thayer for The New York Times)

Washington, D.C. – CNN today released a video showing President Donald J. Trump meeting in Dubai with Russian strongman Vladimir Putin in February, 2016 to plan Russia’s interference in the U.S. election on Trump’s behalf, and to agree on concrete steps Trump would take in return to help the Russian leader. The video, which has been independently authenticated, also shows Putin tousling Trump’s hair, and the U.S. president speaking fluent Russian.

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Gaze Upon the U.S. Presidents in Bathing Suits

Gerald Ford swimming

If you are eating right now, stop eating! You are about to see presidents of the United States wearing bathing suits, and it is an experience that is incompatible with the digestion of food.

You might be wondering, “Is this safe to view at work?” The answer is that it depends on where you work. If you’re not sure, ask the HR department if your office has a policy on looking at pictures of the presidents in bathing suits during work hours.

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Choose Your Own Adventure: You Are Donald Trump

Choose Your Own Adventure: You are Donald Trump

WARNING!!

Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as U.S. president Donald Trump. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to disaster, a worse disaster, or—theoretically—middling success.

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