Because we don’t keep any secrets from you, readers, (except for the secret of where we’ve hidden our gold!) here are some of our favorite search terms that led people to Hottest Heads of State in 2015. Who knows, maybe one of these search terms was yours! (If so, please get in touch with us. We have some follow-up questions.)

P.S. Don’t worry—even though we can see the search terms, we can’t see any information about who used them. So your secret is safe. Marjorie.

P.P.S – These are all real search terms. We make a lot of stuff up here, but we would never joke around about search engine optimization.


unmarried heads of state

“unmarried heads of states”

It’s a pretty roundabout approach to online dating, but just think what a great story it will make when people ask you how you met!


Karl Pearson, a hot statistician

Elliott & Fry / npg.org.uk

“hottest heads of stat”

This is going to be our next website. It’s a ranking of statisticians by hotness. Look for it.


turkmenistan stories

“turkmenistan stories”

Another new website we’ll be launching soon. NSFW.


Alexis Tsipras is handsome

Joanna / Wikimedia Commons

“alex tsipris is handsome”

Alexis Tsipris types this into Google hundreds of times a day, in the hopes that Google’s autofill function will start adding “is handsome” whenever people type his name.


hot pic of Lyndon B. Johnson

LBJ Library

“lyndon johnson hot pics”

HR is sick of talking to this person. “Now, this is the last time we’re going to warn you. You have to stop looking for hot pics of Lyndon B. Johnson at work.”


cqn heads of state share a oresidential car

“cqn head of states share a oresidential car”

“Please forgive any typos–I’m frantically typing this on my blackberry while I try to figure out whether or not to share my car with the king as he stands here waiting.”


Barack Obama talking on the phone

Pete Souza / Official White House Photo

“which state obama heads?”

I don’t want to be one of those arrogant Americans who thinks everyone in the world should know all about America. But come on. If you have internet access, and you know that someone named “Obama” heads up a state, and you speak English…


mom bzzz porn .com

“mom bzzz porn .com”

This bizarre search did, in fact, lead someone here. We’re only including it on this list so that the word “porn” appears somewhere on this site, to help us in search results. Porn.


Troll hijinx!

“The Sea Troll” by Theodor Kittelsen

“jens stoltenberg trolls”

They were probably trying to find out if it’s true that trolls periodically kidnap and eat Norwegian elected officials. (It’s true!)


google who is the most handsome

“google who is the most handsome head of government”

This is, amazingly, someone who apparently begins their internet searches with the word “Google,” as if they are addressing Google by name. As in “Google, fetch me today’s sports scores, and be snappy about it!” What is even more amazing is this wasn’t even someone using Google!


Henri of Luxembourg

א / Wikimedia Commons

“luxembourgs henri david bowie”

I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE NOTICED THIS.


cristina fernandez hot but

“cristina fernandez hot but”

This “but” is probably just a typo. But I love the idea that it isn’t, and someone is trying to get the internet to tell them what mars Cristina Fernandez’s beauty.


ranking of presidents hotness buzzfeed

buzzfeed.com

“ranking of presidents hotness buzzfeed”

Haha in your face, Buzzfeed!


saudi arabia hot party hans clips

“saudi arabia hot party hans clips”

Ain’t no party like a Saudi Arabian party. Especially if Hans shows up!


hot guy alert trudeau pena

“hot guy alert trudeau pena”

Picturing someone beginning an internet search with “hot guy alert” makes me very happy.


UFO

Wikimedia Commons

“young george w. bush”

This Googler was perplexed to discover that, for reasons no one can explain, there are no photographs or written records of the former U.S. president known as “George W. Bush” from before 1997.


Michelle Obama waving

jurvetson / flickr.com

“hot armpits of presidents wife of usa”

Well, they are not wrong.


kim jong un rubber mask

“kim jong un rubber mask”

Whether this is someone looking to buy one, or someone asking if Kim Jong Un is wearing one, either way the answer is yes.


Warren G. Harding's eyebrows

Moffett, Chicago

“us president eyebrows”

Five seconds after reading this, Kate starting composing a list ranking the U.S. presidents in order of best eyebrows.

She feels so much less alone in the world now that she knows there is someone out there who shares her interests.


Oliver North mugshot

gwu.edu

“daniel ortega shirtless”

Just imagine if you could travel back in time to 1986, to the height of the Iran-Contra crisis, and tell someone that in 30 years, there would be something called the internet and people would use it to search for shirtless pictures of Daniel Ortega. And Oliver North would say, “Do they search for shirtless pictures of me, too?” And you would say no.


vladimir putin smart pics masculine

“vladimir putin smart pics masculine”

This was probably either Putin Googling himself, or Trump Googling him.


Bhutan government building

Christopher J. Fynn / Wikimedia Commons

“bhutans list of handsome men”

I like to imagine this as an official list that is posted at the national tourism bureau or the post office or something.


malawi voice obama 666

“malawi voice obama 666”

This was the time Glenn Beck was Googling and accidentally ended up on our site.


Young Bill Clinton

Shiloh Museum of Ozark History

“usa president porn pics”

Sure, why not. You could get lucky. We don’t really know what Bill has been up to since leaving office.


Mark Ruffalo

Marnie Joyce / Wikimedia Commons

“th hotest mark in world”

This could be the basis for a Highlander-type show. All the Marks in the world battle it out to determine once and for all who is the hottest among them!


photo hunky telephone man

“photo hunky telephone man”

You ask and we deliver:

hunky telephone man


st lucias sexyiest men

“st lucias sexyiest men”

It is killing me that I don’t know if this was meant as a statement or a question.


king abdullah jordan shirtless

“king abdullah shirtless”

We get a LOT of “mark rutte shirtless” and “king felipe from spain naked” and “kolinda grabar-kitarovic bikini” searches. Not a lot of King Abdullah II shirtless searches, though. Here’s a tip, folks: if you want to see King Abdullah shirtless, just go to the pool at the Four Seasons in Georgetown.


netanyhu shirtless

“netanyhu shirtless”

Well, I guess like King Abdullah, he was in the Special Forces. He probably still keeps it tight.


bashar assad shirtless

“bashar assad shirtless”

Ok, come on now.


Francis Lightfoot Lee

“10 things you didn’t know about francis lightfoot lee”

Hard to believe there are still ten things that anyone doesn’t already know about Francis Lightfoot Lee, but OK, whatever.


perks of being nebraska governor

“perks of being nebraska governor”

Perk number one: term limits.


John Key

U.S. State Department

“is john key head of state”

No. Elizabeth II is the head of state of New Zealand. See, we do know the difference.


50 hottest us president

“50 hottest us president”

A visitor from the future!


And finally, the winner for most amazing search term we got in 2015:

list of nigerians named mario


Appendix

Here is a list of typos and misspellings that we should all start using as synonyms for the word “hot”:

  • Bandsome
  • Hoottest
  • Preetiest
  • Hardsome
  • Hittness
  • Hootties
  • Hooterst