We wrote this amazing book and all we ask in exchange is money

Tell me more about this "book"
Is there anything hotter than former U.S. presidents? Obviously, there is not. And yet, until now, there was no way to learn about these handsome and mysterious men that is funny, educational, and includes thoughtful analysis of which ones would make good boyfriends.

Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents is coming out from Henry Holt & Co. on January 30, 2018.

OK I'm convinced. How can I preorder?
Just click on one of the buttons below to choose your favorite online book vendor. Or order a copy from each and see who ships it the fastest!
Amazon linkBarnes and Noble link

I am not yet convinced. Give me 10 good reasons to preorder this book.

Here you go!

1. It might become a valuable collector’s items if America is dissolved between now and the publishing date.

2. Support the logging industry.

3. If you ever meet us, literally the first thing we will ask, before even asking your name, will be “Did you preorder our book?” and it’s gonna be awkward if you say no. (And we will know if you’re lying. Everyone knows when you lie.)

4. We’ll get a pretty big ego boost if we move from an Amazon rank of #18,828,694 in books to a more respectable #18,828,628.

5. If you don’t spend that money on our book, you’re just going to spend it on soda and candy, and then it will be gone forever. In contrast, our book is printed on durable paper that will probably outlive you. (And if you try to throw it away it will come back, like The Babadook.)

6. When you read it, you’ll finally get to find out what we think of Donald Trump.

7. You have our permission to steal our jokes for your personal use on dates, at cocktail parties, kids’ soccer games, etc. Just add, “And I definitely didn’t steal that joke from the hit book Hottest Heads of State.”

8. If we sell enough books, maybe our publisher would let us do an audiobook. We have a lot of great ideas for an audiobook version, most of which involve Kate be-bopping.

9. If none of these arguments moved you, then please: Just do it for the kids. (By which we mean us. We’re you’re kids.)

10. Whoops, we forgot to write a 10th reason! Well, we’ll have to get back to you on that.