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Fan Fiction

A Very Putin Christmas

Putin Christmas

If you haven’t read our series of Putin Fan Fiction yet, I recommend doing so, and then this will make (slightly) more sense. Just explain to your family that they’ll have to postpone celebrating Christmas for another five or six hours, because you’re reading fan fiction about Vladimir Putin.

It’s the night before Christmas, and you are alone in your apartment, drinking wine out of a gingerbread house that you’ve fashioned into a very leaky wine glass.

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Vladimir Putin Fan Fiction: Ch. 6

Previous installments: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Vladimir Putin in a mailroom,

Chapter 6: Putin the Moves On You

Alexander Lukashenko insists on walking you home after dinner, even though it is freezing outside and you keep hinting that you would rather him take you home in a cab.

“I wonder if it would be more cold or less cold inside of a cab,” you hint.

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Vladimir Putin Fan Fiction, Ch. 3

Here’s another chapter of Vladimir Putin fan fiction to keep you warm during these long winter nights! (But only if you print it out and fashion it into some kind of blanket.) Note that what it lacks in brevity, it makes up for in being extremely, extremely long.

Previous installments: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Bedroom in Putin's Palace

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Chapter 3: Putin on the Ritz

When you open your eyes, the sun is already high in the sky. You are alone in a lavish guest room, tucked into a large, canopied bed. Looking around the unfamiliar room, it takes you a moment to remember where you are. Then, all at once, your memories of the day before come flooding back.

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Vladimir Putin Fan Fiction, Ch. 2

Because three (!) people asked for it, here it is: another chapter of my amazing Vladimir Putin fan fiction.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s Chapter 1. If you’ve read that and still don’t know what I’m talking about, then there’s nothing more I can do to help you. Best to cut your losses and move on.

Putin standing next to a Lada Kalina

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Chapter 2: Putin the Pedal to the Medal

You are perched in the passenger seat of a canary yellow Lada Kalina, speeding down the M4 highway so fast it feels as if you are flying. Every muscle in your body is tense and alert, but no matter how much you try, you can’t seem to make yourself relax. That’s because, sitting only an arm’s reach away, is Russian president Vladimir Putin.

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Vladimir Putin Fan Fiction, Ch. 1

You’re in for a real treat today! And no, I don’t mean a cookie. The treat is that I just finished the first chapter of my much-anticipated Vladimir Putin fan-fiction novel! It’s not a cookie, but it’s…well…that’s all I can think to say about it, actually.

Putin around the office

Chapter 1: Meetin’ Putin

It has been three long months since you landed a job in the mailroom at the Kremlin (thanks!), but something about it still makes you feel nervous and on edge.

Maybe it’s because you’re spending so many hours alone in the cavernous basement mailroom, sorting through stacks of mail as high as St. Basil’s Cathedral. (Well, like a 2-foot-tall replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral.)

Maybe it’s because you’re not always sure what’s going on, because you don’t speak any Russian.

Or maybe it’s because your breath gets caught in your throat like a prisoner in Siberia every time you catch a glimpse of your boss—Vladimir Putin.

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