Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

Reasons Not to Feel Hopeless

Washington Crossing the Delaware

Kate and I have different political perspectives (I’m a former GOP Senate staffer, Kate went to Brown), but we both oppose Trump. We didn’t sleep well election night, despite repeated doses of Miller Lite and Alka-Seltzer Plus “Night” (which we nevertheless endorse).

We are worried, and we didn’t write this to reassure you that everything is going to be OK. Trump ran as a nativist authoritarian and a lot of our fellow Americans voted for him, either despite that or because of it. That is a big deal, and we think anyone who cares about democracy should be worried. By which we mean worried enough to fight to preserve the republic. We DON’T want you to be so worried that you sit around drowning your sorrows in Alka-Seltzer. Do as we say, not as we do, at least with respect to Alka-Seltzer.

So with that it mind, here are the things that are keeping us from losing hope.

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The “Best” of Trump Twitter Memes

You might be blissfully unaware of this, but there is a whole culture of Trump supporters who use their free time and rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop to create pro-Trump “memes” to be distributed on Twitter.

Like scientists trekking deep into the fever swamps to collect an exotic tropical virus, we scrolled through literally tens of thousands of pro-Trump tweets to pick out some of the most bizarre images. And then we wrote captions for them, because that is what we do.

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How to Make Candles

Did you know that, in addition to running the amazing website you see before you, Kate and I also make candles that smell like world leaders? It’s true! I’m surprised you didn’t already know, because we bring it up ALL THE TIME.

And today, dear readers, we are going to teach YOU how to make candles. That way you’ll be prepared to come work for us when our candle empire grows out of control and we need to hire staff, or at least bring on an unpaid intern.

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Andrzej Duda

President of Poland
Andrzej Duda

polen-heute.de

Here is something we’ve learned from checking our email inbox every month or two: a lot of people have strong opinions about where we’ve ranked Polish president Andrzej Duda on our list of hottest world leaders.

We have received a few angry-ish comments regarding our ranking of President Duda, and now we are going to respond to them all at once, because that seemed like the most efficient way to deal with the whole Duda situation. It’s like killing 14 birds with one stone! And if there’s one thing we really want, it’s a bunch of dead birds.

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Dilma Rousseff

President of Brazil (sort of)

You are Dilma Rousseff

WARNING!!!

Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to success or disaster!

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Donald Trump’s July 21 NYT Interview, Illustrated

Since antiquity, illustrated manuscripts have helped bring clarity to confusing, ambiguous texts. And, like a monk toiling away in some secluded monastery, I have illustrated the transcript of Donald Trump’s July 21 interview with the New York Times. Its mysteries and occluded meanings have been brought to light, via the magic of the mechanical pencil Kate uses for crossword puzzles.

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Vladimir Putin Fan Fiction: Ch. 6

Previous installments: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Vladimir Putin in a mailroom

kremlin.ru, bigstockphotos.com

Chapter 6: Putin the Moves On You

Alexander Lukashenko insists on walking you home after dinner, even though it is freezing outside and you keep hinting that you would rather him take you home in a cab.

“I wonder if it would be more cold or less cold inside of a cab,” you hint.

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Presidential Library Reviews

J.D. and Kate Visit Andrew Jackson's Hermitage

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Patrice Talon

Presidential Library Reviews

J.D. and Kate Visit the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum